A while back I wrote a blog about settling (Settling: Why Girls Settle and Why it's a Problem 2012) and now this blog is an extension of that one. As you might be able to tell I didn't add "part 2" or add part to the title simply because it's not a multiple part series. It is simply piggy backing off the first so I guess you can say that the first blog was the intro leading up to this one.
But any who, as you read in my first blog settling is a bad thing in more ways than one. First, you are more vulnerable to get hurt or played. Secondly, sometimes settling shows you don't have self-appreciation for yourself. Lastly, settling for less than you deserve waste your time and causes unnecessary turmoil. There are ways to avoid making the choice of settling.
For starters, make a list; I know it sounds stupid and cheesy but its better to visually see what you think you want and thinking hard about what you need. It is also a good idea to do this with a friend but if you are the type that needs silence to concentrate then go for it. Make sure that all the attributes and traits are achievable and realistic. So, don't write on your list "wants someone that can fly" we all know that is impossible. But on a more serious note don't write things like "someone that never gets angry at all"; to be honest people get angry some more frequent than others. That won't be a realistic trait because people show anger in different ways and sometimes you wouldn't even know they are anger unless they told you. Things like that are not good example of what could go on your list. Remember my list from the last blog? That is an example (maybe not a perfect one but it's a start) some of the things on my list were just preferences. On my list I had tall, I would like a man that is a minimum of 5'6 and a max of 6'4 but I won't not date a guy that's 5'5 with a great personality. I also had "prefer Caucasian men" yes I am more attracted to white men but that doesn't mean I'll never date a black man or a hispanic man. Its' good to have a preference but don't let that preference determine your entire decision.
After creating that list, stick to it. Like on my list the very first item was articulate. For me, someone that knows how to talk correcting and pronounce words in the correct tense is a must and it's rather sexy. So, if some guy off the break, calls me "shorty" or "sweethawt" (that is the phonetic way some guys pronounce "sweetheart"), I have to immediately shut down and just give you the evil eye. That is part of the reason I don't really pursued or desired a boy from around my way. Most of them are obnoxious and immature. That should be the same persona you should have, that list is supposed to help you make the right decisions. A very good one I have on my list is "smart", ladies if you cannot hold a constructive, intelligent conversation with them they aren't worth your time. But, if you're into that kinda thing when your men are dumber than a brick; go for it.
Lastly and the most important, ask God for guidance. We are only human and evidently are bound to fuck up, so why not put your trust in someone who is perfect and knows what is right for you. Prayer and trust is the key to finding your soulmate. With guidance and understanding from the holy spirit there is no telling what God could bless you with. He could take that list of yours and add things you didn't even think you needed or multiply the things you do want sevenfold.
Now, I am not the expert matchmaker in Maryland or a married counselor but I know a little something about people and relationships. I am pretty sure you follow this criteria things might start looking up. Now I am not saying you do so and get marriage in 6 weeks but you'll stop settling for less and be happier.
Intro of this blog
http://aubrey-m-thoughts.blogspot.com/2012/05/settling-why-girls-settle-and-why-it.html
Now this isn't a bashing session but I feel as though my boyfriend and I are married. Like we argue every chance we get. I know we are well passed the cupcake phase, but we also love like one. We are commited and we just don't have eyes for anyone else. Like the other night we were talking baby names (yeahh that commited) and just love the same things and we talk a lot about the future. We have our ups and downs but I won't want to fuss with or be with anyone else. Surprisingly, we are very responsible for our ages (18 and 19 year olds) we both work and looking for a second job. Hopefully, one day that boy puts a rock on my left hand because I love him and I wouldn't want to be with anyone besides him. If he took my hand in marriage I'd be one of the luckiest girl in the world maybe even the luckiest. I know girls my age really don't wish for things like that but, I know he is my soulmate and we were meant for each other. He is amazing and want him to be mine always and forever.
We all know we aim to please when we first meet new people. The first impression means everything so, we occasionally send the "representative". Yes, the perfect person we make up in our heads and the person we think will win our love interest.
There is no clear-cut way to see through the "representative" ploy but you'll know when you see it. When I was younger (gosh I make it seem like I'm ancient) I was the master of the "representative" act.
I usually used alias and phony back-stories to impress girls I found interest in. Like this one girl I had a huge crush on a while back. Like seriously she was Hawaiian, long flowing hair, not too tall but then again not too short, some killer green (or were they hazel) eyes and a nice rack. Needless to say she was a hottie, she was also out of my league. I don't care how sweet I thought my game was I don't think I would have got her without some type of angle.
So, this bombshell was a friend (or co-worker) of my war vet best friend. So, I took it upon myself to introduce myself the one day she shows up at my best friend's condo. That day I told so many lies I started believing them myself. I told this girl my name was Cydni Fairwood and I was assistant director of some director that recently graduated from NYU and had a studio in Arlington.
Naturally, this girl brought my boogie story and became so engrossed in my line of work. So much so, in the next two weeks we were together she did some research. Yup, this player got caught in a lie and she from there on didn't want anything to do with me. I didn't blame her; if I were me I won't either. Pegging her for a fool and playing up her emotions. I'd be heat, the moral to the story is the "representative" causes confusion and trouble so, just be yourself and let the chips fall were they may.
I wrote you this to show how much
Then I realized words couldn't describe
Words couldn't describe the love I have
For you
No sonnet, song, or poem can
Explain how and why I love you
To be honest I don't know why I
Tried to compose my love into a poem
Maybe I was thinking of you and just wanted to
Make you smile
See those blue eyes gleam
Your face light up
To be honest, my love has no human capacity
I don't even think God could fathom
I am pretty sure you'll never know
How much I really love you
This is my love letter to you
I hope you smile when you read it
I hope you think of me
I really hope this makes your day
I also wish you love me
Like I love you
To the keeper of my heart
-Dustin
Settling: the act of determining or deciding on something (Dictionary.com). Girls settle when it comes to men because they feel like they can't do any better than what they have attained. Some girls settle for the wrong guy just because they think there is no one better. I think this comes from ridiculous friends that keep telling us "lower your standards". Yeah, get real we all know that is not good advice. The moment you lower your standards, you attract the wrong guys and you wind up falling or dating someone that isn't right for you.
I made up an ideal guy in my head (like most young women my age) and that is how I guided myself when I was looking.
My list:
- Articulate
- Tall (clique but yes)
- Funny
- Smart and brainy
- Spiritual (has similar views as me)
- Spontaneous
- Adventurous
- Someone with nice hair (Yes! I need something to run my fingers through!)
- Sensitive (not sensitive to the point he is basically a bluff version of me)
- Built (I like bluff, very fit guys)
- I prefer Caucasian men (come on I'm not that shallow, but that is just a plus not a requirement)
- Honest
- Loving
- Charismatic
- Easy on the eyes
- Patient (because I am a handful)
- Loyal
- Open Minded
- Someone that is a great kisser with full lips
- Romantic
- Responsible
- Flexible (not in the literally sense)
As you can see my list is somewhat extensive but, I know someone like this exist. As a matter of fact, my boyfriend fits this description for the most part. Most women have list like my own of their ideal man and there is nothing wrong with having standards and an idea of what you want and need. Most people want someone who is different and somehow similar to themselves. Women that have standards show that they respect themselves enough to set requirements for their mate. So don't let anyone tell you to lower your standards or settle for something less than you deserve. Your dream guy is out there all you have to do is be patient and believe. It sounds cheesy but when he comes you'll know.
This is a very relate-able topic and everyone seems to have mixed emotions about. Some people say "twitter ruins relationships" and then I laugh in their faces. Twitter can't make you do anything, your stupidity and not thinking causing problems.
Maybe the existence of twitter amps problems in relationships. In my case, I'm in a relationship and my better half follows me on Twitter (cool, right?). I'm a different person on Twitter because most of the time I tweet how I feel and things I see that are out of the ordinary. So, sometimes I tweet random things about him (like how I love him so much and gloat to the world how amazing he is). Sometimes I get frustrated and (guilty as charger) I tweet about him like how frustrating he is or how we argue like a married couple. So, I say things like that and of course he reads it and it's like World War 3 on my phone (we mostly talk on the phone and text).
I am clearly aware that some of the things I tweet might sound vulgar and some times inconsiderate but, I'm taking accountability for my tweets. Twitter is like reality, you can't take back what you say so don't blame twitter for you failed relationship, blame yourself. In all actuality, twitter can't make you do anything; it's just you, your thoughts and the keyboard that can sabotage or better your relationship.
