A while back I wrote a blog about settling (Settling: Why Girls Settle and Why it's a Problem 2012) and now this blog is an extension of that one. As you might be able to tell I didn't add "part 2" or add part to the title simply because it's not a multiple part series. It is simply piggy backing off the first so I guess you can say that the first blog was the intro leading up to this one.
But any who, as you read in my first blog settling is a bad thing in more ways than one. First, you are more vulnerable to get hurt or played. Secondly, sometimes settling shows you don't have self-appreciation for yourself. Lastly, settling for less than you deserve waste your time and causes unnecessary turmoil. There are ways to avoid making the choice of settling.
For starters, make a list; I know it sounds stupid and cheesy but its better to visually see what you think you want and thinking hard about what you need. It is also a good idea to do this with a friend but if you are the type that needs silence to concentrate then go for it. Make sure that all the attributes and traits are achievable and realistic. So, don't write on your list "wants someone that can fly" we all know that is impossible. But on a more serious note don't write things like "someone that never gets angry at all"; to be honest people get angry some more frequent than others. That won't be a realistic trait because people show anger in different ways and sometimes you wouldn't even know they are anger unless they told you. Things like that are not good example of what could go on your list. Remember my list from the last blog? That is an example (maybe not a perfect one but it's a start) some of the things on my list were just preferences. On my list I had tall, I would like a man that is a minimum of 5'6 and a max of 6'4 but I won't not date a guy that's 5'5 with a great personality. I also had "prefer Caucasian men" yes I am more attracted to white men but that doesn't mean I'll never date a black man or a hispanic man. Its' good to have a preference but don't let that preference determine your entire decision.
After creating that list, stick to it. Like on my list the very first item was articulate. For me, someone that knows how to talk correcting and pronounce words in the correct tense is a must and it's rather sexy. So, if some guy off the break, calls me "shorty" or "sweethawt" (that is the phonetic way some guys pronounce "sweetheart"), I have to immediately shut down and just give you the evil eye. That is part of the reason I don't really pursued or desired a boy from around my way. Most of them are obnoxious and immature. That should be the same persona you should have, that list is supposed to help you make the right decisions. A very good one I have on my list is "smart", ladies if you cannot hold a constructive, intelligent conversation with them they aren't worth your time. But, if you're into that kinda thing when your men are dumber than a brick; go for it.
Lastly and the most important, ask God for guidance. We are only human and evidently are bound to fuck up, so why not put your trust in someone who is perfect and knows what is right for you. Prayer and trust is the key to finding your soulmate. With guidance and understanding from the holy spirit there is no telling what God could bless you with. He could take that list of yours and add things you didn't even think you needed or multiply the things you do want sevenfold.
Now, I am not the expert matchmaker in Maryland or a married counselor but I know a little something about people and relationships. I am pretty sure you follow this criteria things might start looking up. Now I am not saying you do so and get marriage in 6 weeks but you'll stop settling for less and be happier.
Intro of this blog
http://aubrey-m-thoughts.blogspot.com/2012/05/settling-why-girls-settle-and-why-it.html
We all know we aim to please when we first meet new people. The first impression means everything so, we occasionally send the "representative". Yes, the perfect person we make up in our heads and the person we think will win our love interest.
There is no clear-cut way to see through the "representative" ploy but you'll know when you see it. When I was younger (gosh I make it seem like I'm ancient) I was the master of the "representative" act.
I usually used alias and phony back-stories to impress girls I found interest in. Like this one girl I had a huge crush on a while back. Like seriously she was Hawaiian, long flowing hair, not too tall but then again not too short, some killer green (or were they hazel) eyes and a nice rack. Needless to say she was a hottie, she was also out of my league. I don't care how sweet I thought my game was I don't think I would have got her without some type of angle.
So, this bombshell was a friend (or co-worker) of my war vet best friend. So, I took it upon myself to introduce myself the one day she shows up at my best friend's condo. That day I told so many lies I started believing them myself. I told this girl my name was Cydni Fairwood and I was assistant director of some director that recently graduated from NYU and had a studio in Arlington.
Naturally, this girl brought my boogie story and became so engrossed in my line of work. So much so, in the next two weeks we were together she did some research. Yup, this player got caught in a lie and she from there on didn't want anything to do with me. I didn't blame her; if I were me I won't either. Pegging her for a fool and playing up her emotions. I'd be heat, the moral to the story is the "representative" causes confusion and trouble so, just be yourself and let the chips fall were they may.
I believe this topic can become a multiple part series on dating and the opposite sex. However, in my previous post I was explain how strategic men and how they use certain words to disguise their true intentions. But what about the ladies? Women are just as cunning as men, if more.
Chicks are funny because we use our womanly intuition to guide us. Some women are very manipulative and most women are born with this feat, the way we use it is up to us (or if we decide to). I know I am a manipulative person, I know this. But, to be honest it takes way too much effort to "mind fuck" people. It's like you have to maintain a certain persona just to make someone act the way you want them to. It's way too much and frankly I'm a lazy person by nature.
Unlikely me, women weld the power of mind control accordingly. My ex boyfriend of 6months, his ex was a prime example. She calls me at four in the morning (I'm surprised I answered the phone, the conniving bitch). Shes just rambling on about how my boyfriend was hers and she goes through our text messages to each other. She claims he was with other girl besides me. To this day, I don't know if he (my ex) was covering his ass or she (his ex) was just being vindictive. I knew she was trying to start something because he hated her and he didn't like her anymore. She just wanted what I had or reclaim want she thought was hers.
One more thing, most girls are territorial. Yes, they really are, for example the don't date your friend's ex rule. Some girls hate that or don't even condone it. Not only is it weird, but I believe it has something to do with a girl's territory. I haven't been in the situation of my friend dating my ex but I seen people go through it. My friend, a very smart and lay back person and her best friend got themselves in that situation. My friend had this ex that I feel like her best friend lusted after since she introduced him to the group. I have a sneaky suspicion that she was the person that broke them up. Anyway, they (my friend and the ex) were together for probably two months or three (hell, I don't remember) and guess who was going in for the kill not even 2weeks after. We (my friend, her best friend and I) were out one day and this chick randomly says "Hey you don't care if I go out with Dan [the ex] do you?"
Oh gosh, you should have seen my friend's face! She was fuming, she walked out of the restaurant (think it was an IHOP) and screamed. My friend wanted to rip her friend's hair out and feed it to her (that bad). After that vendetta, needless to say my friend cut her best friend out of the picture. You know what was seriously crazy, they (the best friend and the ex) got engaged. From what my friend told me he was very rude, mean, unfaithful, deceitful, and inconsiderate (so they were meant for each other). Surprisingly, the bitch had the nerve to invite my friend and I to her wedding. We decided we'd go just to get a good laugh and make crude jokes.
Everyone that ever lusted after someone, pursue someone or just don't know how to treat girl/guy this is for! Now I know I'm not a specialist in the field but, I know somethings. I know guys use weird "codes" when they: want you, love you, want you to fuck off, need their space or just flat out not interested. To be honest at one point in my life I was womanizer, man-eater whatever you want to brand it.
About three years ago maybe longer, I was a player (yes, I was and I was the best) I'd lure guys in then if they weren't to my likings I'd find another and use some useless line like "it's not you it's me" or "you might make someone else happy just not me. I wish you the best and I hope you find that girl for you" (bogus, I know but when you are charming and charismatic you can use any bogus line to let someone down easy). But for some reason a year later (or something like that) I became a lesbian. Yeah, I was a female liking "woohoo" licking lesbian (sue me). So, I have a pretty general understanding of what guys do to get girls and vice versa.
In addition, I had few girlfriends and the ones I did have I've known since grade school. So, I hang around a number of guys that in time inducted me as one of the guys. I learned the smooth lines, the sweet talk and sly dime-a-dozen cheap game. For example, when guys say "I wanna get to know you" (red flag!) as my best friend and war vet. says "to be honest, when I say that I just want the cheeks (basically, he wants to fuck). My best friend (I call him) was in the air force for two years and is now a successful accountant. You would think a guy like him would be living a more gallant lifestyle. Anywho, he is infamous for wrapping these poor (not too bright) girls around his finger. He knew how to woo a lady and how to get her caught up in the game of love (or sex in his case). He said all the right things and was a smooth operator.
Naturally, any guy would look up to him and say "I wanna be like him!". But, before his fast pace life as a notorious heartbreaker, he was a lover. He was involved with a girl for about three years. Boy, he loved her like a rich man loved gold. He says the reason he is like this now I because he was chained down for so long he wanted to be free and do things he couldn't with her.
The reason I gave you that long (terribly long) backstory because he was the insightful guy that opened my eyes to what guys really think. To be honest, guys are very strategic if you ask me. Men plot and ploy to get certain things. Yes, some men aren't as clever at achieving such feats but they are cunning. Most guys plans aren't as cynical or vindictive but they plan to do certain things they find important. They might try to use the sweet approach: when every thing they say makes you melt. The bad-ass approach, because lets face it girls love a bad boy. The "unavailable" approach: things are that much irresistible when you know you can't have them. My personally favorite, the "slightly screwed up" approach.
I know it sounds dumb, but in all actuality do we play these games hoping or knowing we'll get the desired end product?
This is a very relate-able topic and everyone seems to have mixed emotions about. Some people say "twitter ruins relationships" and then I laugh in their faces. Twitter can't make you do anything, your stupidity and not thinking causing problems.
Maybe the existence of twitter amps problems in relationships. In my case, I'm in a relationship and my better half follows me on Twitter (cool, right?). I'm a different person on Twitter because most of the time I tweet how I feel and things I see that are out of the ordinary. So, sometimes I tweet random things about him (like how I love him so much and gloat to the world how amazing he is). Sometimes I get frustrated and (guilty as charger) I tweet about him like how frustrating he is or how we argue like a married couple. So, I say things like that and of course he reads it and it's like World War 3 on my phone (we mostly talk on the phone and text).
I am clearly aware that some of the things I tweet might sound vulgar and some times inconsiderate but, I'm taking accountability for my tweets. Twitter is like reality, you can't take back what you say so don't blame twitter for you failed relationship, blame yourself. In all actuality, twitter can't make you do anything; it's just you, your thoughts and the keyboard that can sabotage or better your relationship.
